Rejections and struggling to find new beginnings

So wow it's been a rough couple of weeks (month)... who's counting.  Came off an amazing weekend complete with a wedding, thinking big things for the week... then I got sick and my laptop managed to crash.  Repeatedly.  All week.  Have I told y'all I kill laptops?  Like at the rate of one every two years.  Guess how long I have had this one.  Al worked on it last night so I am hoping it has bought me some more time and I can get back to blogging my butt off.

Yesterday my BlogHer roomie Jen and I waited all day in suspense to find out if we made the cut and got selected for Voices of the Year.  I knew I wanted this, but I don't think I realized how much until I was cut loose from that other thing last week.  Jen tweeted me when she got her rejection email and I waited the longest 10 minutes after that for mine to appear.  I held my breath as I read the rejection and just shook my head at Al.

I went into the bedroom and dissolved into a puddle of tears when Al came to talk to me.  So next year is your year then!  I shook my head and tried to explain why this had become so important.  So much more important... because after what happened last week I have been struggling to find what I do.  I didn't like what I was doing... I hadn't for a long time. 

I love writing.  I get paid for some of my writing, but not enough.  Getting selected would be a validation that I am doing the right thing, that I AM a good writer (even if my grammar style is all my own).  Without the other things I am just a mom of three small boys who can't seem to manage to even keep the house clean.  I mean yesterday my parents took the boys and I spent about seven hours doing laundry and cleaning out the boys drawers and closets... and that's all I got done.  An entire day of just that.  My house still looks like a bomb hit it.

Sometimes its hard to juggle it all - and to feel like you have an identity other than just Mom.  For so many years I felt like I never knew what I wanted to do... only over the last year or two did I really fall into this blogging/writing thing and realize that yes... THIS is what I should have been doing all along.  Since last week I have sent out resumes, applied for all things social media... and now I wait.  (Did I mention I am horrible at waiting?)

Al had a pretty awesome idea last night.  We might just start a social media business of our own - my own - with his help ... kicking it around, working on the details.  Nothing is set in stone but I have to say I am seriously considering it. 

Today is a new day. 

Time to make it all work.